she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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