i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
