Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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