the day after is always just damage control
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
