He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
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He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.