All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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