sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that