Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  Fine. I'll sleep in my office

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  (917): Fine. I'll sleep in my office http://tfl.nu/uxdr
  Replies (5) Good night (575) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.

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  (805) she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat. http://tfl.nu/up7k
  Replies (12) Good night (1176) Bad night (1432) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.

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  (619): Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it. http://tfl.nu/cnbd
  Replies (31) Good night (792) Bad night (7452) Order T-Shirt
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  (469): View more from Texas

  is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?

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  (469): is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl? http://tfl.nu/85q0
  Replies (23) Good night (3857) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.

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  (623): I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take. http://tfl.nu/lajr
  Replies (24) Good night (4445) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.

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  (630): If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus. http://tfl.nu/iii0
  Replies (15) Good night (1371) Bad night (5174) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again

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  (360): super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again http://tfl.nu/5apw
  Replies (37) Good night (1684) Bad night (5141) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.

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  (+61): It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination. http://tfl.nu/nbvv
  Replies (3) Good night (2794) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...

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  (612): I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night... http://tfl.nu/eun8
  Replies (6) Good night (2197) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?

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  (973): so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/8siv
  Replies (7) Good night (1380) Bad night (2984) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.

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  (513): You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute. http://tfl.nu/xfpy
  Replies (6) Good night (3050) Bad night (1322) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light

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  (203): Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light http://tfl.nu/z2qb
  Replies (5) Good night (1903) Bad night (1012)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having

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  (505): I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having http://tfl.nu/8kbk
  Replies (1) Good night (953) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.

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  (423): We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off. http://tfl.nu/yele
  Replies (17) Good night (2748) Bad night (175)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.

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  (847): I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message. http://tfl.nu/fe15
  Replies (1) Good night (890) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt

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