So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"