I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
