I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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