ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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