just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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