I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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