jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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