$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
