You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
