the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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