i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
