I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
