Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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