**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Holy sore nipples Batman
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
