we're chasing vodka with high fives
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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