there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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