I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
