new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
