I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
