we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
