absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
