oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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