Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize