this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
