Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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