new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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