i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
