Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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