he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
