I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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