I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize