I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize