Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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