Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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