I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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