its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Drunk is not a location!
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