we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
