Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We smell like vodka and hangover
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