So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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