somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
