So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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