Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
