coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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