he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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