Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i need some magic done to my vagina
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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