I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
