I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I look better un-naked...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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