I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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