how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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