You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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