He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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