I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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