Michael Bay diarrhea
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
