ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
