I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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