He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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