I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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