Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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