I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
