so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
