That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
