Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.