Redeem this text for a blowjob
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE