Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can see the future and your future is full of penis