so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
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85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.