Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
