okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
