hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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