If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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