Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
