i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
