about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
