I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
