I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
