Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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