id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
