Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
