I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dicks are not precious.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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