your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We just shotgunned beers for America
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
