This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
